I'm Operationally Ready!

Well, actually it's been a week since my [O]perationally [R]eady [D]ate and to be honest, I feel anything but operational or ready for anything.

Yes, it has been 7 days and sadly it has all been about half-hearted gym time, Xbox and shows on the laptop with my sweetheart so far.

And feeling strangely satisfied with all that.


It's guilty pleasure after guilty pleasure but I am very well aware that this is a worse time now than enlistment. This is it. The major steps I undertake in the next few months/years will very well shape my future.

It is now that I really look into myself and evaluate what my talents are, what I can do well and what I can't do to save my life. It's a depressing thing, looking into my so-called "talents".

The things I used to think I was good at are now not the case anymore. I'm rubbish at the Beautiful Game and I can't play a single song without f***in' it up on my guitar. I'm rusty as shite. Even my old lame humour's gone out of the window. My increasingly depressing posts on this blog are a testament to that. I don't know. I just feel that the essence of being me is just GONE. I feel like a completely sucky version of me. Part of growing up? More like growing down.

I feel so antisocial nowadays. I just left my brothers at my station and it seems like I have no other. But it ain't true! I still have my good ol' secondary school buddies. And even my Poly friends are making contact and are trying to organize a small meet-up. In fact, I just met up with my Sec 2 classmates and I was just so happy to see them again and know that they're all doing well and are healthy. So why do I feel antisocial? Why don't I feel like talking to them sometimes? It's strange. I'm afraid they might abandon me, thinking I've turned my back on them or something. Please guys and girls, no. Just something wrong with me psychologically.

It's obvious I've lost heart. I'm getting that numb feeling again. This time it feels like it's gonna be WAY harder to bounce back into normal.


Cure anyone?