An update and some thoughts

Hi guys. It's your boy Danny here.

It's 2019, I'm 28 going to 29 at the time of this writing.

I've been working at SMRT as an assistant engineer in Signals for a lil' more than 5 years.

I got married to the love of my life of 8 years+ last November in a small wedding of 600 people in total. Maybe I should do a post about that. Anyways, I'm sorry I couldn't invite all my friends for that due to the pax restriction and trying to keep the cost down.

Currently, I'm living in my mother-in-law's house with my wife and their cat. Just the 4 of us. Her dad's not involved in their lives.

When I first started this blog, it was 2004. I was 14 and had barely any grasp of what real life is/was. All I knew was school and soccer. I had my family and friends and that's it.

Fast forward to today. I'm more than twice as old and definitely twice as wise as I was back then. A lot has happened since then (some of which you can read about and cringe at here) and it had moulded and shaped me into the person I am today.

If there's anything that my life experience has taught me so far is to cherish your family and friends, to be humble and to be thankful for every little good thing that goes your way. And a good thing doesn't have to be outwardly good. Just a day spent in good health and company is for me, very special and to be greatly appreciated. We live in a time when happiness should only be determined by one's bank balance or by the number of likes and subscribes on one's social media pages.

We also live in a time of strife and oppression in certain places in the world. There are people, like you and me, living in war zones, amongst the falling of all kinds of ordnances designed to kill efficiently. Mothers and children are starving and dying of thirst. I think it's important to NEVER forget the plight of these people. It will give you perspective of how good we really have it and will go a long way to helping us appreciate the good we have in our lives.

May Allah grant them strength and sustenance always.

And may He grant the same to whoever is reading this,

Ameen!

Thought Cloud #23092015

I've spoken many times about the feeling that my life hasn't been filled with achievements and success.

The thoughts have lingered in my mind and sometimes they just sit there in the back and  other times they come rushing forward like a furious torrent.

Sometimes they sorta just prick me and at other times it feels like being set on fire.

Well,  I thought, why not make use of these feelings and perhaps put an end to "not being successful at life"?

First of all, it ain't that easy.

It comes and goes, like I said, and in varying degrees.

Any motivation I gain from it is gonna fluctuate like hell too. But I guess the lessons learnt can be applied all the time throughout my life.

Secondly, I'd always ask myself: what happened all those years? I still have no answer. I don't like to pin the blame on others especially for my own failures. I guess there were many outside factors that were out of my hands. Then again, lacking control of my life and a failure to nip things in the bud sorta led me to where I am right now.

I used to ignore problems and just hoped they'd go away. Strangely, it worked most of the time... but with consequences (duhh, right?). 

Even when I was forced to face the challenge, I always had some form of help. From someone, something or sometimes I just step up to the plate and finish the job I had to do.

It's not wrong to get help or be helped, but I feel that I need to be exponentially stronger in order to tackle problems that are more difficult in the future. And BOY will they come. In a freaking armada.

I'm freaking 25 years old. I ain't 15 anymore. I can't afford to slack off and play around like I could 10 years ago. And you know what? All those years of always slacking off and playing around is what got me here in the first place!

I'll admit that I cannot remember a time when I really focused on something and really gave a 100%. I have never been fully concentrated on ANYTHING. Not even in salat (prayers). I guess that's a daily struggle, but that's that. Danny boy gets distracted real easy and never gives all he has.

That's why all my endeavours and "achievements" have been anything but 100%. The only full mark I've ever gotten was for a Mandarin test/quiz in KINDERGARTEN when I was like what... 6? Why was I learning Mandarin anyway?! (Top 10 Facts About Danny You Didn't Know)

This even applied to things I'm good at. I knew that somehow I was better at these stuff and tragically I would just be like only 50% of my potential. 

Maybe I would've gotten somewhere if I'd tried a little bit harder.

Now at the 3rd point: what do I do to improve myself?

Give 100% to everything I do?

Stop fooling around and get serious?

Stop procrastinating and ignoring problems?

Fulfil my potential and settle for nothing less?

Stop talking about what I should do and actually do it?

Go figure, Dan the Man.

Thought Cloud #20062015

I don't know where or when it started.

An hour ago, I was engaged in a conversation with my colleagues about travel. I listened intently as they regaled stories of their past adventures. After it ended, it left my curiousity growing and my urge to leave this country in search of new experiences and adventures stronger than ever.

Then, I made the fatal mistake of looking through the Instagram feed.

I swiped in great emotional pain going through photographs upon photographs of beautiful locations. New people. Adventure. Nature.

These weren't pictures taken by professional shutterbugs. They weren't people from half a world away. These were my friends. People I knew. People who are having a better time than me in some faraway land.

"No... not again."

Overwhelming envy. A strong sense of underachievement. Feeling stupid, to put it simply.

I have literally no idea how so much negativity and pessimism have invaded and taken over my mind and body.

And now a totally unrelated thing (but somehow it IS related).

I find myself really enjoying sandbox-ish games such as Skyrim and Far Cry 3 & 4. Before this, it was Diablo II. I played so much that I literally struggled to put the controller down and get on with my REAL life.

Recently, I've had one oft those ponder-in-the-shower moments on this and it somehow finally hit me.

The premise of these games were similar. You play an adventurer arriving in a land far from home. You have a series of tasks and quests to accomplish but you are completely free to explore the world around you. It isn't linear like most other games (where you are forced to be THIS or have to do THIS).

I may not look/act like it but I consider myself the adventurous type. I love exploring new places (i.e unguided tours) on my own and experiencing the world through my own actions and travels. I hate being told where to go or what to do.

I'm sorry but that's the truth. People will never get how much I resent being sent on errands that eat up my personal time for doing my own stuff. Or being told I can't do this or that for some selfish reason. Of course, it depends on the situation and my willingness.

Back to the point, I had a deep thought about why these games were so addictive while I have been known to get bored very easily and I think I've stumbled upon the answer.

These games feed my inner inclinations for adventure and freedom that my present life does not allow (yet?). In those games I am free to go anywhere and by any means. I am free to help good people or harm bad people.

I can take a car and drive to the next town. Or hike up a mountain. Explore a cave. Navigate through thick vegetation. Swim in the ocean. Even fly.

Who doesn't want to do these things?!

Some poor helpless people need help? Render assistance.

Some bad guys oppressing those poor helpless people? Shoot them in the head or run them through with a sword/spear.

Fantasy.
This is all fantasy.

I should stop living in the game world and try to set my real life straight. Perhaps then, adventure will come.

I Need Rehab!

You know sometimes, you look at people with a certain issue or bad habit and you thought to yourself that you will never be THAT messed up?

Well, I used to do that. A LOT.

Now it turns out that I'm more messed up than the very people I thought were getting themselves in some bad shit.

I was a happy lad. Granted, I wasn't given all the toys and silly stuff a young (and stupid) boy wanted but I was already enjoying life with what I had. I was satisfied.

Somehow I don't recall ever being jealous of other kids for the stuff they had. I guess I didn't care much about what they had and was instead focused on what I owned.

I hated showing-off (still do) and I hated show-offs. I never had a good impression of any person who was one. I believed in humility and hiding any great achievement or high-value possession (that would attract interest) and keeping it to myself. Even more so on any good deeds and kind gestures. All this still applies to this very day. And no, I ain't trying to show-off or stroke my own ego. :p

So.... I was talking about people having stuff.

As I grew up, I gained certain traits that would finally land me in this predicament. What predicament you ask? I'm stuck in a neverending spiral of materialism and bargain-hunting!

I somehow developed a mindset of "only the best". Whatever I bought had to be of the highest quality affordable and by "affordable" I mean "able to pay for it", with no concern on savings. I believed that a high price was a definitive

 indication of quality (we all know that ain't always true). People always say "you get what you pay for". Duh... it's intuitive.

Well, my wallet-burning tendency has so far not gotten myself into any financial difficulty partly due to having a sensible partner who constantly reminds me of the importance of saving for a  rainy day. I've also managed to keep myself from spazzing over the more expensive options of groceries and stuff. 

But then.... bikes.

I love bicycles. I also love riding and maintaining them.

It's also turning out to be a rather expensive hobby.

It doesn't help that I'm a borderline psychotic weight weenie. Hah! Borderline.

Light bikes are expensive. Expensive bikes are light. Combine these 2 logical statements with my logic of "you get what you pay for" and there goes the floodgates on my bank account.

To control myself from having a bike (and wallet) so light it floats, I've resorted to an obssessive bargain-hunt. I find myself swiping page after page of ads on Carousell and TogoParts, learning the RRP of bike components and just being a complete nut about all this.

I feel like a drug addict and my high is getting a good bargain. 

Good news is I've managed to cut down on it. I plan to get married to my sweetheart and I don't want all that to go in flames due to my lack of self-control.

....

If someone's selling a Colnago C60 for anything less than 4000, I AM GETTING IT.

*maniacal laughter*

To Oh Want For

Well, it's been a long time, but here it is.

ORD was more than a year ago. I spent the next 6 months after that living in other worlds, engaging in sporadic strenuous physical activities and sometimes trying to find the deeper meaning in life.

I even had a one-day stint with a valet company at MBS that revealed to me a bit about life when you have too much money.

July 2013 came and I managed to land myself a job with SMRT. It's been a good time here so far (with a bit of a bump along the way) and I thank Allah for my source of income.

School: Done (for now).

NS: Done. 

Job: Have one.

So what next for Danny, huh?

Wedding? 

What other adventures are in store for our Russian hero? 

Stay tuned here at Okto to find out!

Lame.

Anyway, yeah. I think the next right step for me would be to get married and start more adventures with my wife.

How did this blog go from school to wedding?!

What a difference 10 years make.

I haven't grown much physically to be honest but my mind has aged a lot. Maybe even beyond my tender age of 17.

Okay, okay. 20.

ALRIGHT 22.

Would you get off my back already? FINE.

I'M 24 THIS YEAR. YE HAPPY NOW?!

That was sooooooo hard to do.

But I guess I should be thankful I even got to live this long. May Allah grant me, my family and friends longevity and guidance, Amin.

What else is happening....

OH YEAH.

TOP OF THE TABLE, BABY.

Maybe I'll make a post about my beloved Arsenal next.

But for now YEAH BABY WE'RE ON TOP!

1ST. CAN'T STOP WINNING. STILL IN THE CHAMPS LEAGUE. STILL IN THE FA CUP.

And then I remember we threw all that away in February 2008. So gotta be careful, boys and girls. The teams below aren't far away from dislodging us from our perch and we're facing fothermucking Bayern Munich with Pep Guardiola in the Champs League. Plus, everyone seems to be injured or get injured easily. (Arsenal players train in cobra-infested pits while using an old naval mine as the ball and wearing spiked shin pads and heavy duty steel-toed safety boots while juggling chainsaws)

Here's hoping this will be our year.

2014.

I hope it's a good year.