Fooootba....what?

I can't sleep!

It's 2:30am in the morning and I'm as pumped-up as ever.

That's not supposed to happen and I'm trying in vain to fix it...but this isn't why I'm blogging at such a strange time.


For the past few days, I've been getting trouble sleeping, because I have a lot in my mind right now, concerning the sport I love most.

Football.


It must have all started after I received my results...


Well, at first I was thinking, "19 for L1R4...."

"Where the heck can I go to?"

Eventually, it led me thinking of the things I did in the past....slacking, having fun when I'm not supposed to...

I let it rest and started thinking at the other direction: the future.

That's where it must have struck me.

Choosing Poly courses was a nightmare. When I read about all the interesting courses available for me, I just struggled to make a decision.

There was so many factors to consider...the amount of interest, the prospective career opportunities..

When I tried to weigh my options and take a myriad of factors into consideration for respective courses I felt like my brain could just explode in fickleness.

Apparently, it did. Because now I can't think of anything but football.

Because that's my one true passion. My love. The thing that I want to make my career.

Given the choice between making it to Mass Communications or making it to the national team, I'll take the latter any day.

Not necessarily the smarter choice. Some of you may even call it stupid. At some point of time (depending on my level of sanity), I would agree, but for now, that's it.

I just wanna play football.

Well, it's been tormenting me for the past few nights...and I just couldn't keep it in anymore. I've been kept awake by thoughts of making it big.

I've been deprived of sleep because I was thinking of my dreams as a footballer.

People would tell me, "Dan, you can just keep dreaming." Yes, my friends. I do.

And it hurts that I'm still dreaming.

My heart rejoices when Singapore wins something. Tiger Cup of 2004..and recently, the ASEAN Championship. It shows that the light at the end of the tunnel for Singapore football is still incandescent. It tells me that one day, we'll see Singaporeans playing in foreign leagues. Oh, the thought is just wonderful.

Sadly, just the thought. The fact is however, ever cruel.

People keep telling me that Singapore football has no future....and who can blame them? Just now, I read the newspaper about our under-21 team losing a game against Pakistan. Gone with the morale of the team is the chance at more silverware. I don't mind that loss though. It looks like we've uncovered another gem in Khairul Amri. He scored a brace in that game, two goals that were quickly cancelled out by more Pakistani goals. He's a great lad.

Ok, it's 30 minutes into writing this and I'm having that "Hey, WtF are you doing" moment.

To be completely frank and honest, I think and I've always thought that I can make it. I have that inner confidence in myself and I have that drive.

How I wish those two attributes be complemented with superior football skills and physical condition.

Because right now, I'm this small, weak guy who can't dribble without leaving the ball behind, who hits more birds in the sky than the goal with his shooting and whose left foot has much dexterity as his third foot.

I ain't trying to be the Simon Cowell of football. That's the simplest of truths.

No wonder people laugh when I say I wanna play in the Premiership. No wonder they tell me to keep dreaming. Because with the given amount of talent and morale, that's all I'm gonna be doing for a long, long time.

I just wanna bite my legs off thinking of how I love football so much and have so much passion but people who aren't that passionate are so much skilful and can destroy me on the pitch any day.

Right now, my mind's gone completely ballistic. My self-assessment is making me angry, because it's the truth.

But it's fuelling my drive to improve. And it's definitely spurring me on to aim high.

To prove that Singaporeans CAN play football.

To change laughter to acknowledgement.

I just know that in times to come, I'm just gonna look back at this and have a good laugh at myself.

I hope it'll be a victorious laugh. :) Like "HaHaHaHa, I told' ja."

But at the rate I'm going, I'm more like "WAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH".

I wanna go for trials but I have a deep self-esteem problem. Because I don't believe I'm good enough.

As long as people keep thinking I'm trying to be funny saying I wanna be a footballer, that's the case.

But not to worry.

I'll make sure my confidence and self-belief won't go to waste.

Sure, go ahead and laugh. It's my indicator of preparedness.

I wanna do this.

(Take note: This post may be altered in the near future because I feel like all egoistic doing this post. =.=)