Oh God.

I'm at a loss of words.....

I can't even begin to describe the scale of mindfuck that's going on in my mind.

I'm already mindfucked....

and now this has to happen...

now it's compounded...

I wanna mediate.... I want peace between 2 important people in my life....

But I really don't know what to say...

Fuck you, Satan. What have you done to my friend?

What have you done to him that would make him hurt his own loved one?

...

and mine?

It must be your work.

that he should disregard people's feelings...

keep unnecessary grudges...

bottle up hate and anger like that...

My buddy's not like that...

It must be your work Satan. Fuck you.

FUCK YOU!

Tomorrow: New plan.

Fuck New Year.

Fuck my problems.

I'm gonna try my best to fix this.

After/If it's settled....

I'm gonna fucking disappear.

I've lost myself and I need to go find him.

I need to sit the fuck down and settle once and for all, the self-induced mindfuck inside me right now that has prevented me from functioning properly.

I don't wanna hurt anybody.

And I want nobody hurting.

Ya Allah, Most Gracious and Most Merciful.....

Please grant me and my friends the strength to get through your trials...

Please clear our clouded minds so we may make the best decisions...

On your weekly Eid' that is your wonderful Friday...

Please give us your guidance to find peace with each other...

And within ourselves.

Amin.