BOOM. It Hit Me.

As I delve deeper to understand your thoughts,

on why they're so negative sometimes,

I've come to realize it could be,

a bunch of factors,

contributing and,

eventually,

leading...

To all this.

What I realized is that your heart was broken not years ago, but barely a year ago.

It's definitely gonna take more time, especially for a person who's in touch with her feelings.

Another thing I realized is that you are missing a huge chunk of love. A love only a father is able give. Can I fill in those shoes?

Definitely not.

Finally, you are missing yet another huge chunk of love. A love only you yourself is able to give. Yes, you heard me.

Sayang, before you start loving anybody else, you HAVE to love yourself. It's compulsory.

It's like one of the hadiths that says, "You love Allah S.W.T? Love your fellow being first."

To love what's beside you (or in your case, inside you) before you start loving anything greater.

The most dangerous kind of hatred is the hatred for oneself.

I've hated myself for some of the things I do, but then I tell myself, "NO, I'm better than this" and then I stop doing some of those things. If I'm lucky, Allah bails me out so I don't have to face the punishment immediately.

I'm having problems with my self-confidence, but I'm getting it back. I'm starting to feel like me once again. Then perhaps only then can I concentrate the rest of my love for you.

My dear sweet love, your life is precious. So very precious. Even when you lose absolutely everything you have in this world but you still have your life, it's not over by a long shot. You won't and never will ever get a choice whether you continue living or not. The legal choice is with Allah.

I'm sure you know very well what happens if you die and you're not prepared for the hereafter.

So here's what I'm hoping you do...

Stop thinking about whether your life stops or not..

Start loving yourself..

And continue recovering from your disaster.

And here's what I'll do...

I won't stop loving you, no matter how you try to push me away...

I won't stop, til you're happy...

Whether it's with me or with someone else.

What's my motivation?

The fact that you won't be sad forever.