Circuits Blown.

My dear sweet love,

Your pain? I feel it too.

I can honestly say that some essence of the pain you've been feeling all this while,

I have it inside me too.

Now I look back....

It all makes sense to me now. Why it's so hard to recover.

Why you spend sleepless nights..

Why you cry..

Why it's just SO hard.

I haven't slept a wink.

I haven't cried so hard for so long.

Now I truly know what it feels to be haunted by the past.

I cry....

I cried because I imagined how painful it must be.

But I'm glad.

I'm really glad we share this pain.

It's easy to give advice to people...

To give encouragement...

Without knowing the true extent of the problem.

I told you I kept my heart open. I did.

And so that is how it feels to have your worst fears come true.

Why do I love you more?

I just found out what a really strong person you are.

From the outside, it would appear you are weak.

But actually, you are strong. Stronger than me. Stronger than most other people.

To put up with such pain without "giving up".

Masha-allah..... such is your strength!

Last night, I could barely make it.

You know what?

It's better you shared with me now.

I really would have no idea how future me would've done.

But I don't think it would be good.

One more thing.

As of yesterday, all my deep-rooted inner problems were wiped off. With one fell swoop.

My problems are so petty it isn't even worth my time thinking.

And you helped me solve my deepest problem..... forever.

But with this purge, Allah has presented me a challenge.

To train my heart to be as strong as yours.

Challenge accepted.

It would take me a while to return to normality...

But I'll start working on it immediately.

and...

I'm sorry if my love scares you.

Remember, Allah is always by your side. His Love for you transcends that of mine and even your mother. He is what gave you your strength. Surrender to Him and he will give you tranquility in your heart, as He promised. The past can't be changed but you have the present to mould your future. The great thing about making mistakes, no matter how large some of them are, is that you can learn from them and that you can ask for forgiveness and Insya'allah, they will be forgiven. We are humans after all.

There must be a reason he kept you so strong all this while, my darling.

It seems that He has great plans for you.